Sorting out the man cave; why do I own so many bikes?

In my Man Cave there are currently twelve bikes, two unicycles and two scooters. Of the bikes seven are mine, all mountain bikes. Six are complete and running, and one, the Fatty, is in the build process. I have one full suspension bike, two rigids in there somewhere.

The Man Cave is an horrid mess; bikes all over the place. I tend to ride the first bike I come to, which is always the last to go in, which back then was the first I came to.... So I only ever ride the PACE unless things get moved around during the week. The PACE works in the fashion of a bike built five years ago and allowed to wear gracefully - the forks have never been serviced in, what, 5,000 miles? They barely work, just an ornament now, 2.5kg worth of old skool crappness.

Thus I only need one bike. So why have seven? One in particular I've not even ridden in five years. It's certainly not to show off; they are all tucked away, hidden from view even from me, covered in decades of other crap. Old jackets, some toboggans, a coffee machine, tins of paint. A million photographs in boxes. There are even 12" albums in there, in the mix that is my life.

Only use one bike, the rest is just crap.

But I'm attached to the crap, can't dispose of it just yet. I may need that 1980's leather jacket one day, even though it does smell of neglect. The photographs? No idea who half the people are anymore. The vinyl; don't even own a record player, so why have 400 albums? Because they were me once, avidly scouting record shops from here in Surrey right up to Manchester, dubbnobasswithmyheadman style.

I can't clear it out; it was once me. The 1995 Orange Clockwork? Can't go, loved that bike. The 1997 Unicycle not ridden since 1999? Can't, just can't.

As for getting rid of paint. Have you seen the price of it?

The Man Cave is shite. Long live the Man Cave!

Just don't ask me why I own so many unused bikes.