I want a Stanton Slackline but have no money.

My mountain biking has been funded by selling tat good quality stuff through eBay. This worked for a few years but of late sales have been slim. Indeed some months eBay takes more off me than I sell, so I'm killing that off. Thanks to the weather and recession, t-shirt sales have bombed. But this doesn't resolve the funding problem. Sure I could actually get a proper job and earn some money, but I've not worked more than 2 or 3 days per week for over a decade now so that isn't an option. I realise that you Dear Reader quite probably work five days per week or more, so I'm getting little sympathy; tough crowd. But as a family we took the option.... well I was going to bullshit there, but when my wife said she'd rather work full time then look after the kids, I jumped at the chance of dropping a few days. Play with the kids and look at yummy mummies all day, or go to work? Seemed reasonable to look at the yummies, so that's what I did. I think I'd die if I was asked now to do even a four day week - I've kind of retired early really.

Anyway I digress. I want a new frame for my bike. The one I want is a Stanton Slackline. No real reason why, just like the look of it and it isn't a Ragley. For the same reason I'd also like a Cotic Bfe. Both bikes way beyond my very limited capabilities. These frames are designed around a 140mm fork, unlike my PACE RC303 even though I've bunged one on. It works but there's something inside me that says it isn't right, what I've done. It's crass. A 140mm fork deserves a 140mm frame. I'd also like to go to 1x10 or 2x10 gearing, but the PACE isn't worth that kind of investment so a new frame it is. Or rather I'd like.

So, one kidney for sale. Heavily used and abused over 50 years. Been down the road a few times, once so badly I wee'd blood for 3 days but it's OK'ish now. Probably a bit shrivelled but functions to at least 60% of normal, possibly 50% on a bad day. Smells a bit. Interested? Dial 555 3661 and make me an offer.