Fat bikes - oh dear.

We were on Cannock Chase yesterday, wife, kids and I. Me sans bike and looking like a dog desperate for a walk as each MTB'er rode past, all muddy and sweaty. Please let me play. Anyway, one chap rides past and he's fitted a 4" wide tyre on the front of his bike. My boy points at it and shouts that he's got an even bigger tyre on his bike than your's daddy! No answer to that have I? Stand around looking sheepish. Wife looks at it, and doesn't comment. Then some bugger only rides past on a rather nice On-One Fatty. That's it then. Whole family off on a rant. I wanted to go over and ask a zillion questions, my boy was harping on about why his tyres were so big and brilliant - tractor fantasy figure I think - whilst my wife looked at it from a comfort point of view. When I told her it costs £999 she was quite literally ready to get her cash out and buy one there and then. Bargain! she kept crying. Really, she did; a mountain bike for less than £1,000 new in the Muddy household isn't a common sight. Last time I managed that trick was a new Orange Clockwork back in 1995.

Quite frankly as a bike it looked hard work. The guy riding it was in a group of perhaps ten others; he looked the fittest by a long, long margin but was sweating away with the rest. As a bike it looked hideously pointless. I couldn't imagine wanting to ride one any distance, and the tyres must have collected ten kilo of mud. Really it all looked rather silly and somewhat pointless.

Say it quietly: Can I have one please? It looks fun.

Really, it did. I hate it now how mountain bikes are 26", 650b or 29". Hard-tail, front suspension or fully suspended. 100mm travel, 120mm, 140mm or more suspension travel? XC, hard core XC, Freeride, downhill, 4X or Enduro Sir? Tapered headset? What kind of BB do you want?

The On-One Fatty looked like a bike your 4 year old son would draw, and one that fits in nicely with 99% of the populations' world view of what an off-road bike should look like. I can see it, I really can. Small frame, big tyres, nowt else. Sure for most trails it would be silly, but since when has having fun not involved something silly?

Dear Father Christmas,

I've been a good boy this year and have eaten all my greens and tidied my room up. Well sometimes anyway. Please can I have an On-One Fatty for Christmas? But can you include a decent set of wheel squewers whilst you are at it?

Many thanks,

Muddy Ground