CSI: MTB. The strange case of the muddy bike.

CSI: MTB were called in by an irate mountain biker. 20/02/2011.

Location: Ali's Cafe, Headley Heath. Overcast day with a hint of rain.

This is the tragic story of the sad events, with a surprising conclusion for the unfortunate mountain biker.

Attending to the location took some time; the week had been wet and there was considerable mud on the trails. However the mud was not too bad and so we were shocked at the sight that greeted us. How could a mountain bike get so muddy on an essentially dry day with relatively clean trails? This merited further investigation by a concerned CSI: MTB field operative.

The bike, a rather ancient Pace RC303, was absolutely covered in mud, as was the rider; an old gent of a bemused disposition. The rider explained that he had been minding his own business but when he got to Headley Heath his bike looked filthy, and he was worried that it may have been an elderly emission of his. The day was dry, the emission didn't smell, so what mystery had happened here. Could we please ascertain why?

We immeadiately seized the bike as evidence of a possible criminal event. The rider was not amused but we have a job to do; get over it.

Our idea was to trace his quite frankly meandering route back and analyse the situation as we found things. It didn't take us too long to find a location where the constituency of the mud matched that found on his bike.

This was heavily churned up mud the consistency of thin porridge. The tyre tracks were over 30cm deep, and the mud in places also as deep. We analysed the tyre tracks and concluded that they were from a tractor. We had established that the elderly gent had ridden through this mud.

Whilst we were there a strange apparition appeared; it was a rider on what is commonly known as a cyclo-cross bike. this is a bicycle with drop bars and a 1cm wide road tyre.

CSI: MTB Summary Report into the strange case of the muddy bike.

CSI: MTB concluded that our rider had recently ridden through an area that has been subject to farming work during a wet period. His bike was muddy merely because of this.

CSI: MTB further concluded that the elderly mountain biker had what is often termed "wusses" or "Southern Softy blood" in that he moans about things that perhaps he should just get on with. Clearly here the rider in the yellow jersey is made of sterner stuff.